Over the last year, I’ve done a lot of reflecting on leadership. In January, I accepted a promotion to lead a new department. The opportunity to lead this new team has been an amazing challenge. It allows me to work closely with seven talented team members, many in new positions, to improve student outcomes. It also positioned me to have a new peer group of senior academic leaders to learn from and support. As I took on this new role, I evaluated what type of leader I want to be. I considered the leaders I had served under throughout my career and identified my three priorities as a leader.
- To ensure my team members never feel alone. I seek to build trust so team members feel comfortable reaching out for support and guidance and by touching base regularly to minimize isolation.
- To be fair. I seek to treat each team member equitably, recognizing their unique strengths and challenges, while working with them to continually improve.
- To be clear. Brené Brown has a well-known saying, “clear is kind.” The more I have reflected on this statement, the more I recognize how it captures the importance of effective communication. I seek to provide clear guidance to my team to facilitate effective communication.
Throughout the past 11 months, I have taken several moments to step back and examine my performance. I’ll admit that these moments have been few and far between given the multitude of competing priorities, but sometimes these moments force themselves….perhaps, like today, that happens while eating chocolate cake for breakfast and drinking coffee after having already worked two hours early on a Saturday morning.
Have you ever felt like you had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, week or month? I have. Over the past 11 months, I’ve had bad days and rough weeks (I’ve had good days too, I should add), and then October rolled around and factors from all areas of life combined to present what at times has felt like never ending challenges. I decided this morning that this has been my terrible, no good, very bad month (reminding me of a book I remember reading as a child Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, by Judith Viorst and illustrated by Ray Cruz, 1972). I acknowledged that I am human and that comes with imperfection. I also realize that I may not be the only one who has felt this way.
Staying true to my leadership priorities, I’m sharing my thoughts and experience here in case this makes even one person feel better or less alone. I also want to be very clear that this terrible, no good, very bad month is not the fault of anyone other than me. Sure, things have happened outside of my control, but what I can control is how I respond to those events. To be fair to myself, I recognized this weeks ago as I felt the pains that come when one grows out of challenging times. So what did I do when I felt this strain? I tried to handle it all on my own. And here’s a vulnerable secret, I could have done it better.
I increased the frequency of my meditation practice hoping to minimize the stress by improving my clarity of mind, focus, continuity of behavior, acceptance of myself and others, and attention to the present moment. It helped. I found myself craving meditation every day, sometimes multiple times each day. Did it solve my problems and make me the best leader possible? No, not yet.
I started running more. Longer runs. Faster runs. More frequent runs. Running usually helps me work through complex problems and clear my mind. Regular exercise also boosts serotonin and moderates levels of stress hormones. It can also help improve quality of sleep. (Side note, apparently at the age of 36, it can also cause new pain in body parts you didn’t know you had). Did it solve my problems and make me the best leader possible? No, not yet.
I engaged in more activities I typically enjoy to remind myself that I am a multifaceted person with many interests and good qualities. I spent more time with family and friends. I donated my time by volunteering in my neighborhood. Did it solve my problems and make me the best leader possible? No, not yet.
I tried all these approaches to cope with stress and manage the challenges I face personally and professionally. But even when engaging with others, I did not share with them what I have been feeling. While I do discuss some difficulties I face with husband, I was still holding back. It wasn’t working. I needed support from others. I could not face every challenge alone. And in reality, I am not facing them alone, but by failing to have meaningful discussions with others facing similar challenges I felt all alone. This is what I’ve learned. This is why I’m putting myself out there and sharing this with you because it’s hard to accept that we can’t or perhaps shouldn’t do everything alone. We are stronger together – both in what we can accomplish and who we can become.
While I have not yet mastered being a leader, I know that I can continue to dedicate myself to living by my three priorities in all areas of my life by supporting those around me (by being more human) so we all feel less alone, by treating others and myself fairly, and by clearly communicating with others about what I need and helping them articulate what they need. Modeling these practices may help others grow as well. Acknowledging that we all have room to improve and sharing that journey, may in fact bring us closer together.
Do you have a growth experience to share? I would love to hear from you in the comments below.
